The Grey Heart Epiphany
by klcm
Summary: When the news of Blip begins to tear them apart, Christian leaves Ana behind in order to think. When Christian is thrown in front of the bright lights will it be enough to see what he really wants in life?
1. Wreckless Fifty

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ I know it's a new story, but it got quite a fair bit of attention when I posted a snippet on my fanfiction Facebook... So this is going to a mega step out from everything else I am contending with... But having variety seems to work for me more than anything else... This is a little more of a whacko idea, please stay with it and I hope you enjoy where my muse is shoving me =)_

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** – Chapter One

* * *

"Was it me being not enough or me and the baby being too much that drove you to her, Christian?" Ana asked after violently shaking her husband awake, even throwing water over him to welcome some sobriety into his veins somehow.

"What the hell, Ana?!" Christian exclaimed as he shot up from his sleeping slumber and found his bearings. He was soaking wet now, and he felt the alcoholic buzz still spreading throughout his body. "I'm wet now." He looked up, and found that it might have only been a half light filtering in the room, Ana was still standing with a face full of thunder, "Ana?"

Holding her phone up at her husband, she ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth in agitation, "How is dear sweet Elena?"

Christian watched his usually docile and polite wife as she exuded the aggressive side of her and he had to admit, in his drunken anticlimax he was actually unnerved. She was usually a force to be reckoned with if she had her mind set on something, but this wasn't like any of those times.

No, this was much more severe.

"What do you mean?" He asked as he got up and swiped for her phone. "Reading my texts and clearly reading into them far too much, Ana."

Holding the phone out of his reach, she unlocked the Blackberry and gave a small laugh as she shook her head. She was still in utter disbelief. Clearing her throat she began to read: "_It was good to see you. I understand now. Don't fret. You'll make a wonderful father_." She then looked at him, "Nice text from Elena. So whilst I've been up worrying about you and your whereabouts, you were with her."

"I needed to talk to someone," He growled as he came to sit on the edge of the bed.

"And it's great to know that I'm not someone to talk to," She locked the phone and her grip tightened around it. "Thanks for being such an amazing support, Christian. I thought I got a grade A husband," She laughed as the anger built in her chest once more and exploded, "No, I got a grade A asshole who would rather run off to his paedophilic ex than stay here with his wife and actually fix something quick important between you and her." She threw his phone at him then, blinded by rage and deep down, a burst of resentment. "You didn't want to help, you just ran. Great move, Mr. Fucking Grey! Great fucking move!"

Biting on his inner cheek, Christian snapped, allowing his anger to just revel in this moment. "You're no saint, Ana Grey!" Christian yelled back at her, making her shudder from him in fear as he bolted to his feet and stood before her. "You forgot your fucking shots to prevent _this_ from happening," As he plied emphasis on that one word, he looked at her stomach and looked even more disgusted to see her hand go to her flat abdomen. "Now look at us!"

"It's not all my fault!" Ana snapped back in an angry tone, not ready to be fully blamed for this, "Do you need a biology lesson to be told how a baby is conceived or do you think it's Immaculate Conception?"

"How do I even know it's mine?" He asked her and saw her pale. She almost looked like she might well collapse beneath that accusation.

Ana's eyes finally watered. She was destroyed by that comment more than he would ever know, "I don't sleep around because I love you too fucking much. Clearly I was the only one loving in this relationship."

"Don't you dare say that when I'm the one that brought you into this life and gave you everything you could have ever desired," Christian told her in a warning tone. "I make sure everything you want is yours as soon as you desire it, Ana!"

"I only ever fucking desired you, Christian, so don't bring that bullshit on me!" Ana bellowed at him, pushing him back a little to work out some of her anger, "It was only you I want. The rest was insignificant compared to you!" She saw him just stare and she faltered, "I needed you tonight and you left me."

"Are you looking for sympathy, Ana?" Christian asked, almost trying to use as many digs as possible. He could see how desperate she was, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with. Angry and drunk didn't make for a considering Fifty. "Is this what this is? I went and got advice and because you didn't you thought a spot of sympathy would work. Poor little Ana got left out and all the sympathy wasn't on her!"

Ana laughed at that comment, trying to keep her guise intact, seeing as emotional didn't work very well. "I guess I am because I definitely got the shit that comes before it!"

She then left him to it, slamming the door in the quiet apartment. He watched the door for a moment before he grabbed some cleaner, dryer clothes and then quickly got dressed. He needed out, but not to see Elena, not to see anyone. He needed to go out and be alone.

As he came out from the bedroom, he was readying to go out for some air, but found Ana blocking the walkway with a strong stance, her hands on her hips.

"Move," He demanded but she didn't listen to him. Why would she? She was disobedient most of the time but now she was angry. Her heels would be dug in and unmoving if she had it her way.

However, the tone that came out of his wife's mouth was not what he expected. "Do you want this baby?" Ana asked her husband in a meek tone, her eyes searching his entire facial exterior for any signs of hope that might be sparking through the cold, controlled look. It was a simple question and she was hoping that it would reward some worthwhile emotion.

"I don't know," he bit back at her and turned to leave. He felt caged, like a claustrophobic animal whimpering for air.

Ana grabbed her husband's hand in fear of him leaving her. She hoped that if she held onto him, he would see that she was desperate to make him stay, to right this wrong. However, the man that turned around to face her was a stranger with cold grey eyes and a face made of stone.

"I need to leave, _Anastasia_," He told her in a hardening and fierce tone and he narrowed his gaze on her, making her uncomfortable beneath it. "_Now_."

Letting their hands slip apart, Ana dipped her hand in a submissive manner and took a step away from him. She wasn't giving him a sense of dominance right now, quite the opposite actually. She was trying to stop herself from crying. She was trying to fight the tears but she felt like she was losing that fight like she was losing her husband.

Sickened by her obedient posture, Christian backed up and headed for the doors to leave Escala.

That was enough to open the dam on her tears. The flood gates opened and the tears destroyed everything as they began to rush down her face, stealing makeup, making uneven trails, showing the emotional anguish.

Before he left the apartment, he heard her sobs ring out, enclosing on him and strangling him in their enormity. He took a chaste look over his shoulder and the sight there sent him propelling forward. He had gone too far and seeing his wife drop to her knees with her head in hands, sobbing angrily into them, told him he had broken her.

He was a monster.

That feeling was what drove him to buy a bottle of vodka and down the bitter taste to just help numb his body and it was probably the same emotion that drove him around Seattle not caring for his own safety.

He had left his wife. Scratch that, he had left his pregnant wife crying on the cold wooden floor of their Escala home and he never once told her anything that would make her know he thought of this baby. He didn't know if he loved the baby, but he loved his wife. Was that love enough though? That he didn't know.

So he had left her a crying heap until he could decide to give her a deadset answer that was positive because, right now, he couldn't be a father, he couldn't lose the life they had and share her. However, he wanted her happy and the best things did just happen in his life. After all, he didn't pursue to meet Ana that first day, she fell into his office.

As all his thoughts conflicted, he took another swig of the clear alcohol hoping for some dire paralysis.

Driving, Christian knew he was wrong on more counts than one, but he couldn't just go home now. He had to think, he owed Ana that. He owed his wife the clarity of the situation and he wanted to back home and tell her how he felt about this baby news.

She would have to remain in limbo until he knew.

"Fucking asshole!" He screamed in a drunken rage, throwing the bottle of alcohol down onto the floor as beaming headlights shone so bright they filled up the entire road. Christian squinted, trying to drive straight as he did so but the lights were so overpowering.

It wasn't until they were right on top of him that Christian tried to avoid the crash at great lengths, trying to decide the best way to swerve to evade the inevitable crush of metal on metal.

It was too late and the ear shattering crunch was delivered upon his car and his body shook within the metal shell of the Audi. Trying to remain focused, Christian lost utter control when his head hit the steering wheel with a sickening crunch.

At least he went out in a haze of bright lights.


	2. It's Not Right But, It's Okay

**1Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ And here is where we move on from chapter one... Thank you, thank you and an even bigger THANK YOU for all of the reviews, alerts and favourites... Let's see if you continue to like the story... _

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Two_

* * *

Coming to, Christian was confronted with those lights. There was no pain, not even in his head from hitting the steering wheel. Even though he had made that connotation, he still went to feel his head for any lumps, bumps or bleeding wounds. There were none and he dropped his hands and took in his surroundings.

Shaking his head and then rubbing his eyes, Christian didn't believe he was in his office. _How the hell did he make it here? _He was in his car, driving away from his wife and now he was at GEH. It didn't make sense to him. It wasn't like it was daytime outside. It was black, just complete blackness behind the expensively fitted panes.

Looking closer he would have said they were covered. Where were the lights of Seattle? Why couldn't he see the horizon that had kept him company for so many years? Where had all the lights gone?

_Clearly above you in all those lights_, his mind mocked and reminded him of the line of little spotlights shining down on him. In remembering, Christian looked up at them and felt confusion just become the only thing he felt. He was numb to everything but the situation he was stuck in right now.

Squinting as he stared into the lights that shone on him he found it ironic that he shifted from one to another in the shrouded shower of bright lights and it seemed that he was having the same treatment. He had seen those headlights before being thrust here and now he was staring at lights that were practically identical to those.

This had to be a dream, he laughed a little with impending nerves.

He went to stand up and investigate, to see what was going on, to remove the covering on the windows, find a damn light switch to end this monstrosity that was going on, but as he went to push up there was a pop as music began.

_Was that xylophone_?! His inner voice screamed out, trying to find some hope of comprehension of this. _Why the fuck would there be a massive gapping piece of darkness before me and now fucking music? You've lost it, Grey._

His confusion tripled and multiplied at a scary speed and he could only sink back to his seat and watch with magnifying trepidation of what might burst from the darkness before him. It had been a long time since he had felt this scared over darkness and he never thought he would ever feel like that again. However, he was practically clawing into the table top as he waited.

As music began to sound out and pick up its rhythm, a light came on, illuminating a figure – Ana.

She was dressed in a body fitting black dress that stopped mid thigh. The material was gripping her curves, framing her with perfection as she stood before him. He noticed she had high heels on which only elongated her stall figure and she looked the epitome of beauty and all he wanted to do was get his hands on her. Her makeup was done heavier than usual, making her features stand out. Her plump, biteable lips painted red, her eyes dark and smoky. She looked like an alluring siren to him and he wanted her. _All of her._

"Ana, baby," He said as he bolted up onto his feet and stood between his chair and desk. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that he accepted this life change. The baby, her, everything was what he wanted. He wasn't entirely happy at it all changing at the speed it would be, but Christian didn't want to lose Ana.

She was swaying a little to the music, ignoring him wholly. Her arms were crossed over her chest with the added ounce of attitude and she looked at him as she began to sing to the music, bringing to the main starting point.

That was when he was really shocked.

"_Friday night you and your boys went out to eat,"_ She began to sing, her voice melodic and strong, pure and controlled. "_Then they hung out. But you came home around three, if six of y'all went out. Then four of you were really cheap 'cause only two of you had dinner. I found your credit card receipt_," She sang and uncrossed her arms to place a hand on her hip.

Christian thought this was wrong until other lights shone on and showered his family and Ana's in light. All standing behind her like a choired symphony who carried on the song. His head screamed at it was the crash, but he was living this right now and it appeared to be very much real.

_It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Pack your bags up and leave. Don't you dare come running back to me. It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Close the door behind you. Leave your key. I'd rather be alone than unhappy._

Unnerving began to unravel from Christian's inner being and he found himself feeling terrified by this new turn of events – of the song. He tried to put it off to the fact that he had hit his head hard and this was all a figment of that.

Except they carried on dancing and moving in choreographed unison and he was mesmerised as his wife stood proud as the lead of the song. This wasn't right and it wasn't okay so the song was lie for him, but Ana seemed pretty much stolen with the lyrics and her tone of voice just seemed to scream that she was telling him the truth and not just singing it for the sake of it.

"_I'll pack your bags so you can leave town for a week. The phone rings and then you look at me. You said it was one of your friends down on 54th Street. So why did 213 show up on your Caller I.D?_" Ana sings, actually making it feel like she was asking him for answers and Christian placed his hands on his head.

All the fierceness she had when she woke up after his drunken stint back and exacerbated. She was controlled and accusatory and it sent Christian spiralling again. He wanted to be back where impromptu singing and dancing didn't exist and he could just have a reasonable chat with his wife and straighten this out.

He now wanted to talk to her, not run.

As the chorus began to be sang, he knew he had wouldn't be bestowed with the opportunity to do such a thing. Especially as it was his mother, Ana's too, Kate, Mia and Gail giving him the attitude only to have the main men in their life give him the accusatory behaviour. Elliot, his father, Ethan, Taylor even Jose all staring at him with the same look.

_I've been through all of this before so how could you think that I would stand around and take some more. Things are gonna change. That's why you have to leave so don't turn around to see my face. There's no more tears left here for you to see._

Coming towards him, Christian felt his twitchy palms become sweaty and he wanted his wife to touch him so badly but with this reality he was in, he wasn't sure he would like what was to come of it.

Ana pulled him out, still keeping with the rhythm of the music and pulled him from his spot behind his desk by his tie. She then drew him right out before pushing him against the desk to wait this out. Leaving him perched against it, his eyes stuck on the show before him. As he stood, she walked away from him only turning back to be surrounded by their family once more, all continuing to sing with her.

Putting his hands on his head once again, Christian tried to make sense of this moment but he couldn't do it and he couldn't get them to stop. He only ended up more lost and even began tugging at his hair by the roots.

Watching his wife lead the song towards an end, he wondered what was to come at the end of it. The idea of her leaving him for going to Elena began to blacken his heart. For one mistake he risked it all and Christian knew he wouldn't survive if she was gone.

But was this really reality? Was this really happening?

Ana locked gazes with him, "_Was it really worth you going out like that_?" She sang at him, putting the attitude to the words and yet she didn't hold back when she saw him really start to think about it all. "_See I'm moving on. And I refuse to turn back. See all of this time, I thought I had somebody down for me. It turns out, you were making a fool of me_," She finished her verse and saw the utter horror conjure upon Christian's face, his eyes widening, his mouth parting as his breaths become a mere pant.

As his family continued on with the chorus, Christian felt the need to wake up wrapping itself around him. This wasn't happening to him. These type of things didn't happen to Christian Grey. Apparently the singing apparition before him was going to carry on singing.

His eyes flickered to his wife as she approached him, her feet pushing her step by step as she covered the gap. He had seen her do that walk before but right now she was on a whole other level of exuding sex appeal and he felt his trousers tighten.

Using the moment, Ana came and stood between her husband's legs. Keeping her body close, she reached up and began untying the knot from his grey tie and looked at him sensually before she leaned in to kiss by his ear, "You're not going to make me feel like a fool ever again, Mr Grey." She spoke it as she pulled back, her hand brush back into his hand, sensuality amalgamating with her anger.

He then thought she was going to kiss him as she levelled her lips to his and leaned in. Then as he readied, the kiss never happened.

She pushed away from him and walked off into the darkened end of his office where his family had already disappeared once the musical number had closed off. He was losing her and he didn't know if his was reality or not but Christian couldn't risk it.

He went to reach out of her, but she was already gone.

He was left all alone with that spot light back on him.

_What the fuck was going on in the world?_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_**A/N:**__ So still interested in where the hell this is going?_

_Song: **Whitney Houston** – **It's not right but it's okay**... If you wanna make it more a party go with the Glee version ;) LOL_


	3. Stop! In The Name of Love

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ Phew! I'm so happy that you all liked what I did here and are still intrigued! As for those who are confused I'm not sure what I can say to unconfuse you without giving it all away... I think you'll just have to read and find out and I hope you get less confused over this! _

_Thank you for the influx of reviews, alerts and favourites. I honestly wasn't expecting this to go down all too well but you lot seem to love it =) SO THANK YOU!_

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Three_

* * *

He didn't know how, but Christian found himself slipping his key into the lock of his Escala apartment and then pushing his way into the apartment. He stood for a moment to gather clarity and felt the silence of the rooms beckon him in further.

Taking the necessary steps, he found his wife sitting in the kitchen, reading a paper and he released a heavy sigh that everything was how it should have been. It was a new day, a new break and his wife was still here – like she always promised. There she was, sat at the breakfast bar, in one of his shirts, a pair of yellow flowery hot pants and bed hair galore.

She was good enough to take there and then, regardless of how exhibitionist it might become.

He went over to her, even went to kiss her, but she pushed back and looked up at him. He saw immediately what a night full of crying and next to no sleep had done to her and her beautiful blue eyes were marred with bloodshot veins. All of which took over the whites of her eyes and only added to the visible pain she was in.

"You went out drunk, Christian, so you tell me where you've been," Ana replied and pushed him away entirely, getting up so she was able to move away from him.

Rubbing his hand against his neck, he looked at her as she stilled before him, "I just drove."

"Drunk?" She asked him, her tone warning him to answer either honestly or sensibly – either one would mean he would fail her and lose some sort of respect from her. "Course you drove drunk," Ana threw her plate into the dishful of water that sat in the sink, the suds lapsing up a little. She then froze and looked at him, "I made you drive drunk."

Christian felt his heart begin to crack under those words at hearing her blame herself for his careless actions. She didn't beg him to get a car and she certainly hadn't put the bottle of vodka in his hands. That was down to him and all she had done was given him life changing news that should have meant he stuck his heels in and spoke to her about.

Putting her hand up to him, Ana silenced him immediately, "Why did you go to her, Christian, with _our_ news? Do you love her more than me? Because that is the only real reason I can think of that you would have to go to her. Oh and that unlike me, Mrs. Robinson is in control and she's responsible and isn't able to bear a child in that hostile womb of hers and she knows exactly how to please you." Ana rolled her eyes, "Of course you love her more."

With that heartbreaking summation, Ana turned to the sink and forbid her tears from releasing to form ribbons down her cheeks. She didn't want to cry over this, especially over Elena's involvement in this.

To that, Christian had to step in and cease this. He had to fight or offer at least the bare beginnings of one. "I don't love her. I never could but, I just needed some space and I needed to take things out. I needed someone else's point of view, but I got more than that," He fought back, trying to enable an explanation to occur between them.

Immediately, Ana stiffened at the sound of that and he went to step in, but she resisted and even though he audibly heard the dish fall from her hand and hit the bottom of the metal sink, Ana refused to look up at him.

Christian couldn't guess what was going to happen as music bubbled into the air, and Ana began to tap her foot on the floor. Stilling her motion of washing up, she spun around to face him, "_Stop in the name of love. Before you break my heart_." She dried her hands and then pushed him back, her hips swaying with the beat until he was seated. "_Baby baby, I'm aware of where you go, each time you leave my door. I watch you walk down the street knowing your other love you'll meet._" She kept her gaze set on him, as though to make him just watch her all the more, "_But this time before you run to her, leaving me alone and hurt_."

Gail then entered the room and even though she was cleaning up she was offering the backup singing to the song and Christian felt himself fall for the same ounces of confusion that practically drowned him the previous night. Christian felt the sense of insanity clinch around him and began to make him breathless.

_Think it over._

Crossing her arms over her chest, Ana watched her husband, "_Haven't I been good to you?_"

_Think it over._

"_Haven't I been sweet to you_?" She continued to sing, not even interacting with Gail as she remained in the foreground of this moment. "_Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart. Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart. Think it over. Think it over."_

"Ana," Christian tried to stop her, reaching out for her. His tone was soft and caring but it didn't seem to matter in the slightest.

"I've known of your, your secluded nights. I've even seen her, maybe one or twice but, is her sweet expression worth more than my love and affection?" Ana sang and almost asked the questing in earnest with regards to Elena. "This time before you leave my arms and rush off to her charms."

_Think it over._

"_Haven't I been good to you?"_ Ana sang the familiar lyrics, her expression showing the depth of her emotions involved and even Gail still didn't deter her.

_Think it over._

"_Haven't I been sweet to you?" _She continued to sing and even took a few steps towards him, squashing the gap she had thrust between them and then applied force into her singing of the chorus again, hoping to get some other emotion from her husband other than the shocked glance that tortured his grey eyes. "_I've tried so hard, hard to be patient. Hoping you'll stop this infatuation but, each time you are together. I'm so afraid of losing you forever_," Now the tears broke into Ana's eyes as she sang at him. "_Stop in the name of love before you break my heart."_

"_Baby, think it love_," Gail broke in, her attention on her cleaning not on Ana or Christian.

"Stop in the name of love," Ana sang, her hand coming to her chest, above her heart in a fist.

Gail chimed in, "_Think it over, baby_."

"_Before you break my heart_," Ana finally sang and her tears began to drop from her eyes.

"_Ooh, think it over, baby_," Gail finalised and looked up before dismissing herself from the kitchen, deciding that later would be a good time to ask about what the couple would like for dinner.

Christian watched as Ana dissolved and finally he saw the true reactions that his disseat brought to his wife. He saw how affected she was and he felt the low rumble of guilt begin to consume in. As he went to grab her, she fled to leave the room. She was now unable to believe that they were going to be okay and unable to seek comfort from husband.

Releasing a growl, Christian threw his hands to his head in frustration. He wanted to talk to his wife, but she seemed to just talk for a bit and then break out into song to get her feelings across in a musically eclectic way.

What the hell was really going on?

He looked to the morning paper and his eyes widened in shock horror. The normal paper was now switched with **'The Christian Grey Chronicles'** and the headline only read **'Life's a Musical!'** and the rest was about the musical number his wife and family had given him.

He dropped the paper and ran from the room. This either had to be a sick joke for him to see sense or a fucking warped idea of reality.

Going into the bathroom, Christian forced himself in front of the mirror only to find it surrounded by bright shining bulbs as though this was some sort of dressing room. Shaking his head he looked to the mirror and saw, just under his fallen fringe, a bright reddening mark. Exactly in the spot he had hit his head.

So it did happen!

He knew he had to go there and he had to take Ana with him. He had to make this write, and he had to show her that he was done with Elena. He had to cast out the devil from his life and bring in the good to it all.

He had to do this or lose the one thing that he could class as a saviour – Ana was his hero – and he couldn't afford to lose that.

He looked over his shoulder, only to be faced with his wife, her face ruined by her tears, her lips softened by them and he knew she wasn't here to fight.

The defeat was all over her face.

The defeat was ravenous throughout him, and Christian just hope his wife would come in here and just be his wife.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_**A/N:**__**Song:**__ The Supremes – Stop! In the name of love._


	4. What do you want from me?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ First off, I would just like to state that I am not forcing anyone to read this so I don't understand the need to be cruel and harsh in reviews. I understand this is not everyone's cup of tea and it's not going to stay this well forever – the clues in the title – but seriously, to tell me its trash and I'm a disgrace? That goes too far and I won't sit and take any account. If you don't like it, shut the browser, a lot of people on this site have mastered that already and leave writers to do their thing with their stories._

_Off my soap box I go! Now! Thank you to those that have reviewed and stuck there with me – especially on Facebook – I am forever grateful =) I hope you like what's to come of this and are able to stick with until the jazz hands stop shaking ;)_

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Four_

* * *

Ana didn't say anything. She stared for a few minutes, her gaze meeting Christian's reflected one and vice versa. Neither moved, neither spoke, but they just stared, finding a connection with that one inanimate object.

Then finally Ana had to break the silence. It was crippling and multiplying and it felt to her like it was clawing the walls, readying to consume her whole and never let her go. She couldn't let the silence beat them, especially not when most of the walls in this home had absorbed her orgasms time and time again and held the memory.

"I can't lose you," She whispered to him, using the doorframe to keep her steadied and tried to remain strong.

"I can't lose you either," Christian murmured back to her in the same manner. "I don't want to lose you ever, Ana. When I said you were mine I meant that but, I can't handle this situation right now. I can't jus-"

"Then don't," She told him defiantly and walked over to him, pushing him to face her. She then lifted up and pushed his fringe back, only to wince at the sight of the cut to his forehead. "You're a stupid man, Mr. Grey," She told him honestly and watched him let a chuckle release from him.

Christian dropped his gaze, "I am," He admitted to her and he felt her soft hands lift his face to hers.

"I'm going to fix this," She told him and grabbed some toilet roll and antiseptic cream before coming back to sit on the counter top around the sink and bring him between her legs. She wetted some of the tissue and wiped it over the cut before she dried it and grabbed the cream. "What you did last night really hurt."

"I know," Christian murmured to her, but he couldn't face the baby news. He still had so many emotions that he didn't like directed at that child and he didn't want that. He wanted to know exactly how he was feeling over it. He wanted that control.

Ana sniffled, "I haven't slept all night. I even left to come and find you but, I couldn't find you anywhere and when I got back that bed was too big without you. I know what's happened has to have ruined us, Christian, but I have to believe that our love can survive it regardless." She then let a sob escape before she covered her mouth with the back of her hand tried to forbid it. "Sorry, it's the hormones," She told him and then bit her lip as she continued, "From the baby."

"How did we let this happen, Ana?" Christian tried to understand, even fought to keep his anger at a low limit. "How did you end up pregnant?"

Looking into his eyes, she drew her arm down from his face and took a deep breath, "I forgot my shots." Now she soon unhindered anger and knew she had to fight back, "What with all the crap going on and then Ray," She shrugged as her eyes watered, "I was so consumed that I just forgot and now I feel like I'm losing you." She sniffed but it didn't work and the tears ran, "I feel like I've lost you."

"_Hey_," Christian spoke, but instead of speaking it sanely, he sang it and abruptly stopped himself by placing his hand to his mouth. He looked at his wife with wide eyed terror and she just stood smiling at him.

God, the world had gone fifty shades of crazy and it was starting to have an effect!

"Go on, Baby," Ana urged him as he stopped singing immediately. She smiled and forced his hand to drop and she held it as she remained his support for the moment.

He looked to her and, as the music filtered into the air, she nodded encouragement and he went with it. At the end of the day he was stuck here, wherever here was, and he either hated it and, thus, hated life or he worked towards a better end with the type of conclusion he wanted.

The later was much more appealing.

"_Hey, slow it down_," He began to sing, this time captivating his wife. "_What do you want from me? What do you want from me?" _He sang at her with the same harbouring conviction she sang at him. _"Yeah, I'm afraid. What do you want from me? What do you want from me?_" He sang and he could see that Ana was taking in the song as though she were singing it.

There was still that amount of unbridled emotion.

"_There might have been a time when I would give myself away. Ooh, once upon a time I didn't give a damn but, now here we are. So what do want from me? What do you want from me?_" He placed a hand to her face before trailing up her jaw line and into her hair, all whilst singing. He never expected to this, but here, with Ana, it felt natural. Dropping his hand again, he sang with more aggression, really feeling for the lyrics and the passion. "_Just don't give up. I'm workin' it out. Please don't give in. I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey_, _What do you want from me?_ _What do you want from me?_ _What do you want from me?_"

As the octave in his voice lowered, Christian became softer with music and the varying tempo matched him perfectly. Forceful and dominant when necessary and yet soft and passionate when it wasn't.

"_Yeah, it's plain to see_," He continued and watched as Ana traced his face in the moments of the words, "_That baby you're beautiful_," He couldn't keep his hands off her, "_And there's nothing wrong with you. It's me, I'm a freak but, thanks for lovin' me 'cause you're doing it perfectly. There might have been a time when I would let you slip away. I wouldn't even try but I think you could save my life_."

He watched as she went to speak, but this was his time to silence her, to make her listen. She had given him the confidence to just set it free this way and he was going to make sure he managed that and that the message got received.

"_Just don't give up. I'm workin' it out. Please don't give in. I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, what do you want from me? What do you want from me? What do you want from me?" _As he finished, Christian dripped his head a little, ashamed that he didn't know what his wife wanted and he didn't know what he wanted. However, he felt like a massive weight had lifted and even though a part of him wanted to laugh hysterically over the fact that he just endured 4 minutes of musical weirdness, he had to worship the benefits.

"All I want is for you to love yourself as much as I love you," Ana responded to him as the song finished. She then looked down and placed a hand to her stomach with a little whimsical, dreamy gaze, "And then for one day to love this baby with me."

"Isn't that something I should already be doing?" Christian asked solemnly and looked up from her stomach and into her watery eyes. "I should be able to love our baby, Ana. I_ should_." He felt so lost with this situation. A child was a big step and his abandonment issues reared and bucked at him and it terrified him. What if he was exactly like his mother and was an awful parent?

As that cognition slotted in he mentally hit himself. He never wanted to believe that he was destined to be an awful parent. He didn't want to reap that future on his child based on his past. He wanted to be so much better than that. He never thought he would accept this child, but at this rate he knew he could. Ana made him see that and Ana was still here.

Even after his reckless, emotionless, hurtful actions.

"We can work on that after we sort some other things," Ana told him softly and although the pain was void from her tone exactly, she was forgiving and willing for another chance.

Christian could see that and he wasn't willing to lose this opportunity. "How?" He asked her, weakened from the musical outburst. He felt like he could slump against his wife and use her for support because if he had to be honest, he hated himself right now.

He hated how indecisive he was, how he was abusing his wife so emotionally and he hated himself for ever bringing Elena into this world. She might have been the past but she was the one thing that threatened his future.

Ignoring that he himself could do that as well.

Ana remained silent and just offered him a delicate smile. "Just follow me," She said dropping down and taking his hand and leading her out of the room.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_**A/N:**__**Song:**__ Adam Lambert – What do you want from me?_


	5. And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ The end is nigh – or at least for the theatrics ;) Then it's a normal story from here on out =P So for those that took the time to kindly tell me this sucks for the singing you can try and be at least polite for a chapter or so! _

_Thank you to everyone else who reviewed and enjoyed! _

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Five_

* * *

Christian had no idea what was going on. After all, why would his wife bring him to Elena? However, Ana said nothing, offered the blonde a head nod and then allowed her to take control. Now the music had started and Christian found himself hating this. He wanted normal life to resume because if this was now normal life, Christian might just choose to hit his head again to get an alternative.

"Just listen," Ana warned him as she felt him shift ready to stop Elena.

Listening to her command, he stood stock still and listened as the music continued and transcended into the beginning of the song, Elena's eyes stuck firmly on Christian.

"_And I am telling you, I'm not going. You're the best man I'll ever know. There's no way I can ever go. No, no, there's no way. No, no, no, no way I'm living without you_," Elena sang at Christian completely blotting out Ana's still finger as she stood beside Christian. "_I'm not living without you. I don't wanna be free. I'm staying. I'm staying. And you, and you, you're gonna love me, oh ooh mm mm, you're gonna love me_."

Christian heard the conviction, but he remained beside his wife unsure of how to comprehend the moment before him. He knew that he and Elena had a connection, one brought on by a BDSM lifestyle and no love, but now he was questioning that. Here she was, in all her glory, singing her love to him.

And he could stop himself from feeling conflicted by that and his love for Ana, his wife.

"_And I am telling you I'm not going. Even though the rough times are showing. There's just no way, there's no way. We're part of the same place. We're part of the same time. We both share the same blood. We both have the same mind_." She took a step forward as the tempo picked up and she needed to pick up the tension and power, "_And time and time, we've had so much to see and no, no, no, no, no, no way, I'm not waking up tomorrow morning and finding that there's nobody there_."

Christian had to admit that even though he and Elena were sculpted from the same experiences, they were still so different. However, he could see how she could find that a direct connection to their souls. They had dark experiences that he would never make Ana experience.

And from the look on Elena's face, she was fighting Ana for this.

Even though Christian knew he would survive without BDSM, he found himself asking himself if Elena could live without that world and with Christian in her world because right now, she was fighting for him to just hear her out.

"_Darling there's no way, No, no, no, no way I'm living without you. I'm not living without you. You see there's just no way, there's no way_." Elena sang as she grabbed his hand and wouldn't let it go. "_Please don't go away from me. Stay with me stay with me. Stay, stay and hold me. Stay, stay and hold me."_

Elena was desperate as she grabbed his hand, pushing it to her chest and she didn't care for Ana as she stood on the sidelines. All she cared about was that Christian understood her reason for singing such a song and meaning every single word of it.

"_Please stay and hold me, Mr. Man, try it mister, try it mister. I know, I know, I know you can," _Elena got the emotions across, her eyes watering as she made this like her final plea_._ "_Tear down the mountains. Yell, scream and shout like you can say what you want. I'm not walking out. Stop all the rivers, push, strike and kill. I'm not gonna leave you. There's no way I will."_

Christian looked at his wife and saw how her eyes were watering and how she looked like she had lost already and he couldn't stop the song as Elena grabbed him and gained back his focus in an attempt to make him forget about his wife.

He didn't think it was possible, but Christian actually found himself mesmerised by Elena and her passion right now and that scared him beyond belief.

"_And I am telling you. I'm not going. You're the best man I'll ever know. There's no way I could ever, ever go. No, no, no, no way, no, no, no, no way I'm living without you. Oh, I'm not living without you, not living without you. I don't wanna be free. I'm staying, I'm staying. And you, and you, and you. You're gonna love me_." She then changed her expression, the fight reviving back across her face as she fought for her man and cared very little for his wife. "_You're gonna love me, yes you are. Ooh ooh love me, ooh ooh ooh love me. Love me, love me, love me, love me." As the music closed off she whispered the last sentence and waited, "You're gonna love me_."

As all become real again, Christian felt it hard to catch his breath as he was left with a problem that needed sorting and one of the women that meant something to him was going to get hurt to the point of no return.

If this was reality or not, Christian didn't know, but his emotions were the realest thing he had and had didn't like how he felt haunted and tortured by this moment.

Turning to his wife, he needed answers and as soon as humanly possible, and seeing as it was her idea, he thought she was his best bet. "Why did you bring me here?"

"You needed to face her and confront what is going on between us all," Ana told him and offered a small smile before letting her eyes dance towards Elena who stood awaiting this moment's truth. "I knew she loved you," Ana gave you her husband a sad shrug. "Now you know why I get so jealous and angry over it."

"But I love you," Christian announced firmly, trying to gain his wife's security back.

"I know, but she's right though," Ana smiled wistfully at him. "You are going to love her." Ana tried to prevent her eyes from watering but she had just broke her own heart after hours of turmoil.

"What do you mean?" Christian asked her, his brow furrowing as he had no idea where she was going with this.

"When I told you about the baby, Christian, you ran straight to her. There's a reason for that and I won't stand in the way anymore. I can't be in the middle of this anymore when I'm the one that is left hurt and worried about losing you." Ana told him in a low tone, her voice quaking ready to unleash tears and unbridled emotions, "I'd rather cut us the heartbreak and fights and do what's right. You love her as much as she loves you and it's about time you opened your eyes to that."

Christian captured her face with his hands and forced her to stare at him, "This isn't right. You're carrying my baby too."

"Ask yourself this, Christian," Ana started and forced his hand down away from her face, "Can you ever love this baby?" She asked him, "Can you honestly find yourself loving it without forcing yourself to do so?" She took in his pensive expression, "I need to know that you aren't compromising for me because the last thing I want is a life with you because you feel the baby and I are an obligation."

"I wasn't prepared for that baby that's all," Christian whispered back with a fearsome tone and felt his breathing shudder. "I want for you to have the perfect husband, Ana, but this baby is a big deal to me. It destroys everything I had planned for us. It means I have to share you and it means that I have to give up aspects of life that I am not ready to do just yet."

Ana gave him a sad smile and allowed the tears to fall as honesty hit her, "That says it all then." She looked up at him, not sure how she would break this to him, how she would break her own heart for the man she loved.

"I can try," Christian fought back with conviction, trying to make her stop this.

"Don't, if you wanted this child you would know, Christian. Life would change in front of your eyes without you even thinking it and you would be able to imagine this child and our life together but, you can't. You only see what it's destroying," She told him truthfully and took a deep breath before applying attention to Elena. "Give him everything I never could."

"Ana," Christian began to protest against that as he began to feel his life was being changed for him and he was having a new life thrown at him with full throttling force.

"I will," Elena said cutting Christian off as she stepped in and he went to object.

Ana nodded and allowed one sob to leave her mouth so she could draw in some composure reverting her gaze back to her husband, "I will love our child for the both of us, but she is who you're meant to be with. She is so much more than me and I ruined us with forgetting my shots and getting pregnant, Christian. I see that and no amount of fighting will change that. I can't be the one that makes you happy when I only know how to ruin us."

"That's not true. We can make it, Ana," Christian tried to beg her as she gave up on them.

"No," She stopped him and then tried but failed with the sobs that she wanted to hold back. "I will always love you, Christian, and our baby will be proof of that, but I can't be in this fight for life anymore. I want you happy but, I can't be the one that gives you that now. I see that and that's why I brought you here," She then thought for a moment if she should give him a kiss or not and knew she needed to give him at least a peck on the chest and as she did she tasted his tears which only sent her running.

Christian felt like his heart was being cut out and he wondered if this life with Elena would welcome joy back into his life. He was in so much shock that he couldn't found the words to fight or the actions to stop. Which only meant he was losing more than he knew possible.

He knew he could have Elena and keep his love of BDSM and having control, or he could keep Ana and have the joy ride of the free fall.

Ana ran off from him then, leaving Elena with a gleeful smile showing she had won. He watched Elena and felt disgusted at her and then heard Ana's strangled sobs from behind me. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't be crying in defeat like this. She would be at peace with her decision.

He turned in time to see Ana run out into the open, a horn of a car blaring out only moments after and then Christian saw her freeze and stare as the car came at her. "Ana!" Christian screamed out and ran after her, praying he would reach her before the car would.

He ran into the road not caring if he were too late or not and grabbed a hold of her the moment it was feasibly possible.

Those same headlights came at him that sent him into this world, but this time he didn't care if he lived or died.

He had Ana in his arms.

He had made his own choice.

He'd live with that.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_**A/N:**__**Song:**__ Jennifer Hudson - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going_

_Don't think this is the end of the scene... It will be brought up soon! But I'm hoping you can guess what's transcending now ;) Or well I hope you do!_


	6. Wake Up Call

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ Another update... Gotta love snow days ;) Enjoy and thank you =)_

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Six_

* * *

Christian felt no pain from impact, he only saw that bright light and he had to release a groan as he felt himself connect with the room and his body became alive all over again. He wanted to shook up, find his Ana and keep her with him forever, but he just didn't have the strength to do that. He couldn't get his body to move with him and instead he remained stagnant and living in this white glory.

Lingering in the light for the moment, Christian reflected on what had happened. The fact that people were now talking and not singing to him only led him to believe that he was back in his favourite reality. However the words were amalgamating in his head and he made him groan a little more. _It's not right but it's okay so stop, in the name of love, Christian. All I want to know is what do you want for me? Because I am telling you I'm not going anywhere. I am here for life and this baby is too. You just need to come back and tell me what you want from me and soon. I am losing my mind living this life on my own with you stuck here. I don't know what to do anymore and it's it not right here without you._

What were the chances that Ana had spoken those words to him to bring him back from his limbo? Christian felt himself drawn more to the edge of the light and he knew he had to get answers, he had to beg for repentance and he had to do what was right for his heart.

He had to set the record straight after his asshole behaviour ended with him waking up in a warped alternative universe.

"Grace!" Ana's voice suddenly penetrated his thoughts and he felt himself smile at hearing that angelic voice. "He's waking up. He's finally waking up. Please come here. I need you." He heard his wife cry with so much relief it was almost unbearable to hear that she needed it, "He came back, Grace."

Suddenly there was silence, then movement to his right and he felt the bed he was obviously on dip. He then heard a few chaste sobs that only matched those of Ana's and he tried harder to wake up entirely and not loiter in this whiteness.

"C'mon, Baby, open your eyes so we can see you again. Please come back to me," She spoke to him directly now, grabbing his and in hers and she shook it. "Please, Christian, I need you to wake up. I know you can do it so please open your eyes."

Christian admittedly found it harder than he thought possible to open his eyes and divulge in the sight of his wife before him. He begged and pleaded with his eyelids to lift up but it wasn't working. He just couldn't master it anymore than he had done already.

"Please," Ana cried and tightened her grip on Christian's hand. "It's been so long, you better not be teasing me now, Mr. Grey. Please just open your eyes," Ana began to sob at Christian, her tears hitting his hand as they fell. "Please, Christian. I don't know what I'm doing without you." She let her sobs become earth shattering around them both and she tried to self soothe but the only this that worked was when Grace burst into the room having left her own shift to be here. "Oh thank God, Grace," Ana sighed and let go of Christian's hand, "Is he really waking up or this a false alarm?"

"No, Ana, this is it this time," Grace verified and grabbed Christian's hand, "Christian, can you grip my hand please," She wanted and felt his hand close on hers. "Good, Christian, now can you open your eyes for me? Just a little bit if that's all you can do, but I need you to open your eyes now, Christian."

Just like, on command, Christian opened his eyes and saw his mother's finally face looking at him. Even though she was blurry right now, he had to admit he felt a different aura around it – it was more doctoral than musical.

Seeing him wake up, Ana took her step back. Seeing him open his eyes both filled her with elation and scared the living shit out of her. No one knew that her husband had left angry the night of the crash and no one but herself and Christian knew she was pregnant. No one knew how bad it was that drove him to drink drive, they just assumed it was a deal gone wrong and he had lost millions.

She hadn't bothered to correct them because she was scared that they would accept her pregnancy when Christian hadn't and she certainly hadn't anymore.

Now he was awake she was terrified to find out that three months of having a bedside vigil were worth absolutely nothing. She didn't want to hear him tell her to leave and she didn't want to see him look at her with that same look of hate.

So she fled before she could see or hear any of it.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Ana," Christian tried to speak but found he had no voice to carry the words into the open. Closing his eyes in the hope of clearing his vision, he coughed dryly and opened his eyes, "Ana."

Grace turned but saw Ana was gone. At that her heart sank and she knew the true reason to Ana's behaviour had something to do with what made Christian end up drank driving. Later she would have to go and see Ana and force her to face everything that she had scrapped aside – her health, her emotional state, her marriage status with Christian.

"Christian, I need you to calm down for now. Ana's just stepped out for some air," She lied to her son but knew she had to do it for the greater good. "She'll be back, but can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up please."

Squinting a little, Christian tried to wet his mouth before he spoke, "Two."

"That's good. What about now?" Grace pressed on doing a general test to see if his vision was okay.

"Four," Christian told him mother and pushed her hand down, "Where is she? I need Ana."

"She's popped out for the moment," Grace told him and tried to remain calm for him. "She's barely left this room so I'm sure she's really not far."

"How long?" Christian asked as he heard that, terrified that it had been too long.

"Nearly three and a half months," Grace told him honestly and saw the sad look begin to mask his face. "You hit your head really hard when you were involved in a car crash."

Christian groaned, "I didn't mean to drink and drive. I was being reckless," he admitted to his mother and felt himself whimper. "I messed up so badly."

"The crash wasn't your fault. The other driven was on your side of the road and over triple the legal limit for driving under the influence," Grace told her son softly and watched him digest those words. "He totalled both cars and killed himself outright. You were lucky."

"How? Ana's not here and I did the most stupid things before that," Christian argued, his heart monitor racing as he got more and more agitated.

"You came out of that crash with not a lot more than a traumatic head injury," Grace informed him in her professional voice and he surveyed his mother's face to try and deduce this. "We don't know how, but apart from bruises there was no other injuries. Just your head was a concern."

"Ana's still left me when I woke up," He murmured unhappily. "I need her."

"She'll be back, Christian. She has barely left this room since you were admitted. She's even helped your body by giving you physio instead of leaving your body to just waste like most other coma patients." She saw the confusion again and knew she had to continue, "The only reason you have next to no muscle wastage is because Ana's been doing your physiotherapy whilst you've been in your coma," Grace told her son and gave him a small smile. "Every day she has been here making sure you're arms and legs have been getting enough movement and exercise to make sure you didn't lose strength. She never gave up. Even when we told her that exercise and therapy would be available afterwards for you all she cared about was knowing that you want to be back on your feet as soon as after you woke up."

"She isn't here," He croaked at his mother and his eyes water. "She gave up when I woke up."

"No," Grace soothed back, "It's a shock that you're finally awake. We were told it was getting less and less unlikely, Christian," She began to feel her eyes water, "Ana has been nothing but here the entire time for you. She's read to you, spoken to you, cared for you, hell the girl even sang to you." Grace let a small smile escape her lips at remembering walking into the room to hear Ana singing to her son, "Girl sang Whitney Houston at you at one point, Christian. She's got a good pair of lungs on her for being a singer."

Christian furrowed his brow, his head actually hurting from listening to how she had stuck by him. He wished she had just stuck by him now so that he could apologise and so he could love her right and tell her how he wanted life with her.

Not how he wanted to try and make it be.

"You look tired," Grace commented seeing that Christian wasn't quite getting a grip on this at all. "Get some rest. It's late and we will go and get Ana. I will even go and get her myself if need be." Grace stood up, gave her son a kiss to the forehead and then stood up straight, resting a hand on his arm, "She'll come back, I promise you. I need to go and tell the doctor your sleeping but from I can tell there aren't any major signs of brain damage so I think tests can be left until tomorrow," She issued another motherly smile, "When you're more with it. For now, just sleep and I'll let everyone know you're finally awake."

Christian listened and closed his eyes, praying that when he opened them again his wife would be there in front of him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	7. Leaving Limbo

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ New update =) I hope you continue to enjoy! Thank you for the support! _

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Seven_

* * *

Taylor had heard news from the hospital on how well Christian was doing – all things taken into account – and he knew he had to now see to Ana and fulfil his self made duties. Now he had two duties – one to Ana, the other to Christian. He had to make sure she was still okay.

He knocked on the bedroom door and then let himself in. Entering the room, Taylor found Ana curled up in a ball and he knew it was time to get to the bottom of this behaviour. He had to solve this issue and he had to get Ana to see that limbo was over for her. Her husband was awake and life could come away from this paused state and restart.

He sat on the edge of the bed, their bodies facing and he put his hand to rest on to her arm, "Mrs. Grey, this isn't healthy for you."

"I know," She said as she sat up slowly and sniffled again her tears. "I'm pregnant, Jason," Ana sobbed at Taylor and just fell against him. She felt his arms wrap around and it was the first pieces of comfort she had felt from a dominant male for months and it made her miss her husband all the more.

Taylor was Christian, but he held the same demand for control and that was probably why Ana felt so safe and calm around him.

"I found out before this all happened," She whispered to the security guard and tried to remain calm. "Christian didn't want it, but I couldn't go through an abortion." Her face crumpled with tears at that point, "I tried. God, I tried to go through with one so when he woke up he wouldn't hate me more than he already did, but I knew I would hate myself." She sucked in a breath, feeling like she was suffocating with her own cries, "If I had to live without him I couldn't do that to our baby. I would just hate myself. I wouldn't survive that. I wouldn't survive losing them both."

Taylor felt disgusted that he had missed all of this. That any of his team, that the entire family had. He could only be there for her now after only just realising how dark the past few months had been for Ana. He couldn't even imagine

"I wish you had just told us," Taylor replied with a gentle tone. "Had you just done that, half of these issues wouldn't be happening now."

"I couldn't," Ana concluded and then felt herself revert to that quiet place she had shielded herself from for months.

In the last three months, Ana had watched nurses and doctors look after her husband and tell her what a loving wife she was and how lucky Christian was to have her. She had watched as they checked his IV, his feeding tube, his catheter, his oxygen levels, his brain activity. She even had to watch them test his reflexes and responses and for the most part, Christian Grey was the epitome of healthy. If it wasn't for the mark on his forehead that seemed to have taken ages to heal, then she would have believed he was fine and sleeping.

However, he never woke up. Not even for his family and never for her.

It wasn't a lie that she had given up hope, but still stuck by his side out of a sense of duty. She read to him most days, spoke at him, listened to his breathing, sang at him, had a three way conversation concerning him and their baby. She tried anything to fill the deadness that cloaked around her every waking moment and told her that she hadn't heard her husband speak in nearing four months.

Ana couldn't mistake how much love she had for her husband and that only grew when she felt their baby kick her hand one morning after she had sang at her husband. That moment was a milestone and Ana had experienced it whilst living in a hellish limbo.

And she had no clue where this baby fit into life when it happened.

"Ana," Taylor brought her back to earth. He watched her look at him with an exhausted glance, "I'm going to go and see if Gail has some food, but why don't you try and get some sleep. I'll wake you up with something to eat," Taylor advised Ana and left her be. He wasn't going to tell her he was going to ring Grace, he wanted her to rest.

Ana didn't sleep when he left, she gave into the depression that clawed and bit at her. She caved because she didn't know how deal with her husband coming out from a coma and being nearly five months pregnant.

How did you cope with that when you were in Ana's shoes?

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Ana, Honey," Grace called as she pushed over the door and heard the sobbing coming from the bed. It hadn't been the first time that Grace had found Ana crying in an empty room, or in Christian's room, and it wasn't the last time she knew it would happen.

Ana rubbed her face and watched as Grace came to take the space that Taylor had earlier.

"Want to tell me what's been going on?" She asked in a sweet, motherly tone and Ana had to wonder if she was ever going to be like that with her child. "You left so quickly that both me and Christian were confused."

"Is he okay?" Ana asked suddenly feeling guilty for not waiting to see if her husband was actually as healthy as he looked and as together as she hoped even though the doctors had prepared him not to be.

"We can discuss him in a moment," Grace promptly stopped her from talking. "Now, what is it? What's going on here?"

Sitting up, Ana looked to Grace and she pulled her baggy shirt up. She looked up at Grace, "I've been hiding it from everyone."

"You sure have," Grace's eyes bulged at the sight of the baby bump on Ana and Grace felt the sinking feeling of her heart. With a tearful gaze, she looked at her daughter-in-law, "Ana, you didn't have to hide that from anyone."

Ana nodded and her lip began to wobble as she dropped her head down.

Grace leaned in, placing a gentle hand to Ana's chin she brought her head back up to meet gazes, "Why did you feel the need to hide it from us all? Why couldn't you tell us?" She saw Ana go to refuse to answer, "Why, Ana? You can tell me."

"Christian wasn't completely fond of the idea of me being with child," Ana told Grace quietly. "He left that night after an argument and then I receive a phone call an hour later to tell me that he's been involved in a serious crash and I should get to the hospital. He left me on the floor of our home so he could drink drive and I'm left not knowing what the hell to do. I still don't know what to do."

"Do you love Christian?" Grace asked and saw Ana nod, "Do you love that baby?"

"So much. I love them both so much," Ana managed in a tear riddled voice. "Grace," Ana's lip trembled and she felt the influx of tears wash over her eyes and down her cheeks, "I don't want to hide it anymore."

Grace wrapped her arms around Ana's body and held on for dear life as Ana appeared to do the same back at her. She didn't let go as Ana caved to more tears and she acted as the mother that Ana couldn't have right now. Grace just looked after Ana the best way she knew how to.

All the while cursing herself.

Grace couldn't believe she hadn't seen it. She had seen Ana run for a bathroom on several times, seen the baggier clothing Ana was wearing and even noticed her craving for dipping potato chips into soda. Ana had a certain fully face to her, had been flexing a lot as if to rid backache and was more exhausted for a different reason than lack of sleep. It was more a fatigue complaint than anything else.

Grace could have kicked herself for it.

"Then don't," Was all Grace said as she pulled away and pushed Ana's hair back so her hands came to frame her face. "You embrace that child and you show everyone how much you love it. The only reason I can think for you doing so and hiding it from us is because you wanted some resolution with Christian before you told anyone the news."

Ana nodded, she had it right as always, "I knew we would fight, but I didn't think this would happen. I certainly didn't intend to be left like this for so long. I thought we would argue and then we would get over it, you know?" Ana asked rhetorically, "I thought we'd do that and then get over it. We'd kiss and make up and then we would wait the twelve weeks and then share. Now it's been nearly twenty and no one but myself, Christian and the walls of Escala know."

"Ana," Grace broke into Ana's rant, "Now is your time to pick up the pieces of what happened, talk to Christian, hash everything out and move on. Now is the time for you to get some peace after so long. He is awake and is waiting on you." She saw Ana was understanding that detail and she knew she had to push her daughter-in-law into one more thing, "So how about we go to Christian and we get the ball rolling?"

"I don't know," Ana tried to deny that was the best route to pick right now. "I mean, he was so angry."

Grace shushed her gently, "I just want you to be happy and to get some closure. Christian is waiting and willing to give you that, Ana. He isn't angry now. He just wants you."

"Okay," Ana relented, and even though she was nervous at the prospect, she listened.

Ana didn't think too much as Grace pulled her up to her feet and pulled her from the room. She just went with Grace, kept faith in Grace and allowed her to take her down to the car and then to the hospital. She didn't have to do much when she was flanked by her mother-in-law and bodyguard. There was no place to run when you had nowhere to go.

They kept her walking forward instead of sinking to the ground and giving up.

Walking up the familiar corridor to Christian's room, Ana felt herself pull back. She couldn't do it. She couldn't face him. "No, I can't," She panicked and turned away. "He didn't want this baby, that's why he got into that car that night because of this baby so why would he want it now? After it nearly killed him."

Grace grabbed Ana and exchanged a look with Taylor, he wasn't letting her leave and neither was Grace, "He wants to see you. That much was clear to see and there was no stopping him from seeing you."

"I should have gone through with an abortion and I could made it out like his head injury had caused brain damage," Ana became frantic, her hands shaking with the thoughts. "That would have been easy and less damaging. He would think it was all in his head."

Grace knew she had step in then. After seeing Ana go through three months of lack of self care, lack of sleep, lack of conversation, she now saw the weakling it had all left behind. Not to forget the pregnancy hormones running rapid around Ana's body as it were.

"That would destroy you more than going into that room will," Grace told Ana as she held onto her. "You just have to face Christian, Ana. Face him, face him with the baby and stand your ground. You want to be a family, tell him that."

Looking at the door, she gulped.

_Moment of truth, Ana._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	8. The Harsh Reality Left

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

**A/N:**_ So leaving all the cabaret behind us, let's get serious eh? I honestly didn't mean to leave a gap this big between updates but here we are... UPDATE TIME! Forgive me and know I am thankful for everyone who stuck with this and ended up enjoying... _

**The Grey Heart Epiphany** –_Chapter Eight_

* * *

Hovering in the doorway, Ana watched her husband lay in the bed, his face so troubled, his eyes staring off and she didn't realise how much she had just missed him until right now. She had spent months by his bedside, begging with him and the God above to bring him back to her because she missed him – all of him and his shades – but now he was there, _awake_, back with her she found her body ache for him.

Looking back over her shoulder, she watched Grace and Taylor urge her to go further in and she finally listened. Walking in, she pushed the door to, watching Christian look over to her.

"How could you be so selfish?" She asked him and the one question she had been asking herself for months finally beckoned a voice and penetrated the air. "I told you I was pregnant, pregnant with your child and you got in a car drunk. You got in a car and drove drunk when I was at home thinking you hated me and you never came home. How could you be such a selfish bastard, Christian?"

She loved him and she could forgive him but, she had to understand him. What literally drove him to that moment of peril?

"Do you hate this child so much?" An asked and her eyes met him with fear and terror. The same emotions had kept her a prisoner for so long that now she could finally release them she felt like her entire body was submitting to paralysis. "You must hate us that much."

"No," Christian countered and pushed himself up. "I wasn't prepared for that news," He commented and saw her expression, "And I know you weren't either but, baby, I will spend the rest of my life trying to change what I did then. I don't ever want to lose you."

It seemed that it now fell on deaf ears. Ana was too consumed with the grief of four months, the ghosts that had taunted her all that time finally winning.

She looked up at him, glazed eyes, her nostrils flaring at the preparing onslaught that screamed attack on her slashes and she uttered the words that killed her every time, "I thought you were dead," She looked at him with a deadly gaze. "When I got that phone call I thought you had died. I thought you left me for good."

"I'm so sorry you ever had to go through that," Christian felt his words were futile. He had done so much damage and a simple 'I'm sorry' just didn't cut it with him. He didn't want those words to lose their genuine meaning. He needed Ana to know how sorry he was.

"But that's not all I had to go through. No, as if you hating me wasn't it or you being in a coma was all I had to deal with. I people personally attacking me in every way, shape and form possible," Ana sobbed at him, giving up her strength as harsh reality confronted her. "Do you know how much crap I have had to endure the past few months for that one fact?" She asked him, not bothering to save her mascara and it descended down her face. "People telling me that I should be glad you're in a coma because then that means I am one step close to your money becoming mine and if you die I inherit everything. I don't want to inherit anything if it means losing you!" She stood up then, fraught and angered, "I don't want to be Mrs Ana Grey, the widowed millionaire who lost her husband after they were just getting a new start on life. I don't want to live a life if it means I don't live it with you. What is the point?"

Her final question was almost a plea of defeat. They had no future if it wasn't together and they both knew that.

And Christian didn't behold the answer.

"I guess that doesn't matter," Ana mumbled understanding that there were greater things at play. Like Christian getting back into the throes of life and her securing a healthy life for her baby to grow in.

"It does," Christian cut the moment tensely. "How is the baby?" Christian asked suddenly and tried to see her stomach for any signs of a lump.

A hand went to her bump as her stomach lurch, her eyes watered all over again, "You care about the baby?"

"Yes, more than I ever thought possible," Christian responded to her, "How is our baby?"

"Healthy or so Dr. Greene said." She began to cry the instant she had told him. She had prayed this would be his first reaction that he would worry about the baby from the moment she told him, "Please tell me I don't have to go to those appointments alone anymore, Christian?" She asked him, near enough pleaded with him, "Please, tell me that the last three and a half months weren't just the beginning of me losing you." She looked up at him, her eyes streaming, her lip continually trembling and she just couldn't take not knowing anymore, "I won't survive anymore."

She had been left in limbo for far too long that her mind had now told her she was incapable of a life without Christian. In the beginning, when Christian's survival was questionable, she had began to think about life without him and she had knowing she had his child inside of her.

However, as the hours turned to days, which switched to weeks and morphed into months, Ana found that with her husband hanging on, she couldn't cope with an ideology without him any longer. She couldn't begin to fathom a life beyond this now she had her husband back with her.

"You go alone?" Christian gasped in despair, only now realising how alone Ana had been in the world since he left her that night.

Ana slowly pulled at her top, rolling the material into her hands to show off her belly, "No one knows. Well," She paused and looked at her husband. "No one knew. Your mom and Taylor now know. I just couldn't tell them about our child," Ana told him, dropping her gaze to her pregnancy bump and her hand coursed over it. "All this time it's been just me that knows. I wore baggier clothes and tried my hardest to not let my morning sickness become noticeable. I guess everyone was so consumed with you being in a coma no one even thought to look."

"No one suspected a thing?" Christian asked back surprised his mother never noticed.

"Nope," Ana whispered back, her voice chased away by the tears that fell.

And now Christian saw what his selfish, ruthless actions cast upon his life and the life of his family. He had made his wife feel more than a little alone and he must have broken a part of her that would never heal again. Suddenly he remembered leaving her a crumpled mess on her knees that night. He remembered yelling at her, making her feel the hate he thought he felt and he remembered the Ana in his dreams – the all singing one – who showed him the way to true love.

The fact that she gave him over to Elena didn't matter, because in seeing her flee, he felt his soul rip from his body and his heart begin to cease up in his chest. He loved Ana and he knew that was the only love he would know. He only knew true love with Ana and he would know it forever and an eternity.

He wasn't going to let it go, but he had to do what was emotionally right for Ana and the baby. He couldn't trap her if she no longer wanted him. He couldn't be that reason and even though he would love and support his child, he would take it however Ana wanted him to have it.

Then he remembered her plea only minutes earlier. She never wanted to go to an appointment alone again; she never wanted to bring this baby up alone. She wanted him, but did he deserve her?

"How can you want me there when I neglected you like I did?" Christian asked, he couldn't make out what the hell he was going to do to make it up to Ana and he half expected her to file a divorce so hard that he accepted to signing over every dollar he had to pay whatever he could for childcare. He wouldn't think twice about it. His money meant nothing to him in the grand scheme of things and that would never change.

Ana looked up, and scooped her hair behind her ear before speaking as to why she didn't want to give up on her marriage. "Because every time I see that little mass on the screen I see what you and I made and I can't believe for one second that it's all over. That this little baby is going to be born into a broken family. I won't let that happen. I won't let you walk away from this anymore than you already have. I know it's not entirely your fault you slipped into a coma but you've missed so much and I know you, Christian, you can love this baby as much as I do. You can love me for giving you this." She saw Christian's eyes water as she gave him the words she had been telling him for months. "Look under your pillow," Ana commanded as she rubbed her bump through the top.

Stiffly, Christian listened to her and reached under his pillow only to fill his fingertips touched the edge of what felt like paper. He quickly grabbed onto them with curiosity and pulled them out only to be greeted with a handful of sonogram photos. He searched them over quickly and he felt a tear fall – he knew what these were.

"That's your baby," Ana remarked, sealing his suspicions and her eyes dropped down to her bump. "The due date is May and everything is perfect." Taking a deep breath, she sat up straight and just looked to her husband, "Between back aches and swollen ankles, I'm just a normal pregnant wife."

As she made that comment she felt it was a bit derogative seeing as the way her husband fled the house and ended up in a coma because of her news. She wasn't a normal pregnant wife. Far from it in fact. She was a woman waiting for the other foot to drop and really tear away every single fibre of her dreams she had been living in.

_Oh, Christian will love her and the baby when he woke up. She would sail through a pregnancy with her husband by her side. They would build a nursery together. They would pick out names together. They would watch her bump grow over the oncoming months. Their love would blossom. Christian would be there coaching her through the labour._

Then the nightmares cut in – _she was in that delivery room all alone. No one wanted her after a divorce and there she was in the midst of an awful birth with no support, no hope, and no life for baby._

Ana didn't want that nightmare a reality, she wanted her dreams.

"Baby," Christian caught her mid thought and watched her look up in alarm at him. "I have so much to apologise for," Christian told her with a voice so full of shame. "But right now, Ana, I understand if you don't, but I need to hold you."

Choosing Ana in his warped comatose reality was just a reflection on what he wanted in real life. It had been Ana all along, baby or no baby, and he would make sure that it was always her.

After a moment or two of silence, the anxiety began to register on Christian's heart monitor and Ana could stand the distance any longer. Ana climbed onto the bed as easily as she could and took to her husband's side. "If you're ever a stupid _arse_ again, I will leave your ass, Mr. Grey," Ana whispered and for the first time in nearly four months, she felt like she was home.

Christian took that ultimatum and knew he would never give her a reason to leave him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Grey Heart Epiphany** **-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


End file.
